“I think the ears are tastiest.”

“Me, I prefer the chin.”

“I’m a forearm man, myself. And things just taste better when the girl’s has helpless as this one.”

Yes, like it or not, New Moon is here. And last night’s midnight opening show set some kind of all-time box-office record for such arrivals. Basically, ticket-buyers told Hollywood: WE WANT MORE OF THIS. And so, that is what moviegoers will receive. Except what’s coming will be even worse because it will be even more derivative. (If somebody wants to pick up a worthwhile vampire story, get your hands on the rights to Robin McKinley’s Sunshine, which is actually worth reading.)

So, how’s the movie?

I turn to the discerning Steven D. Greydanus:

You can see why 14-year-old girls eat this stuff up. That the Edward Effect is no less potent for many of their mothers seems troublesome.

Twilight and New Moon are essentially uncritical celebrations of that overwrought, obsessive passion that is the hallmark of immaturity—passion that wholly subordinates all sense of one’s own identity and elevates the beloved to summum bonum, or even the sole good; passion that leaps as readily to suicidal impulses and fantasies as to longing for union.

That’s the best reason to read Greydanus’s review. But you’ll get a good chuckle if you check out the comments below.

Very disappointed by this review. It’s not very useful since you obviously don’t really like this series. So it’s just you more showing why you don’t like it. But I guess that’s okay since you know people who this is aimed at will watch it and love it anyway, LOL.

Yeah. Golly. What’s wrong with you, Greydanus? Don’t you know that if you find any fault with these stories you’re automatically disqualified as a critic? You must love the movie… even before you see it… to be useful.

More troubling is this reaction:

Twilight is just plain evil and I do not want any part of it put in my brain. My friends and I use our brains for worthwhile pursuits not garbage pick-up. (We are an award winning robotics team.) … Oh, by the way, Pattinson looks creepy and I hope my future husband looks nothing like this very icky sicko.

Um… no. The Twilight stories run in the tradition of Beauty and the Beast stories. They’re misguided, but not “just plain evil.” There are redeeming qualities to be found in stories of young lovers who try to cope with their destructive impulses, and stories of monsters who try to overcome their wicked appetites.

Further, the commenter has decided that Pattinson is a “very icky sicko” based on the fact that… what? He’s wearing monster makeup.

But who am I to argue with somone on an award-winning robotics team?

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