Somewhere, the real Aslan is feeling betrayed.
There are going to be FOUR soundtrack albums for The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe.
Not two. Not three. But four.
(Five is right out.)
Can you say “overkill”? If they keep this up, my enthusiasm for this project will sour very quickly. (Thanks to PTC for the alert.)
One album will be the real soundtrack.
One will be a collection of fun stuff… you know, for kids.
One will be a collection of songs by pop and rock artists.
And since they’re not really legitimate pop and rock artists, but they don’t want to be left out, there will be an album of songs by Christian pop and rock artists. (That way, you see, young people will be able to buy an album of rock and roll and AVOID the evangelizing, while Christian young people can buy the Christian album and feel good about the idea that this movie is spreading the gospel. Moreover, this helps Christian young people continue to believe there is a line between what is ‘secular’ and what is ‘sacred’… which is utter crap.)
I’d like to recommend twelve more soundtrack albums, while we’re at it:
12. Celine Dion’s Optional Songs for the End Credits of The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe
11. Narnia Jazz, featuring Kenny G.
10. Carman’s The Champion II: Aslan Vs. the White Witch
9. Aslan’s Big Hair Heavy Metal Collection
8. Narnia Serious Jazz, featuring little-known artists that know what jazz really is.
7. Christopher O’Riley Plays the Narnia Soundtrack on the Piano
6. American Idol contestants perform the songs from the rock-and-roll Narnia album
5. The best of the Narnia fast-food tie-in jingles
4. Leonard Nimoy’s “The Ballad of Mr. Tumnus” (Hey, he DID record “The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins”!)
3. John Debney’s The Passion of Aslan (featuring uncredited borrowings from Peter Gabriel’s Passion)
2. John Williams’s I Was the Obvious Choice to Score The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe
and…
1. Michael Jackson in Narnia: Songs for Sons of Adam and Daughters of Eve… especially Sons of Adam
Sorry, Jeff – #1 is just ew.
I can’t get into pedophilia jokes.
Agreed – between this and the inevitable tie-ins (video games, Aslan plush toys, McNarnia Happy Meals, etc.), Clive Staples would definitely be ill. Your 12 soundtrack alternatives are brilliant.
There’s a Christian band out there called Narnia. You’d think they’d be getting in on the action as well.
ohhhh! you get high fives for that one.
Funny.
But the MJ joke, while for some may be utterly offensive, for others (myself included) too easy. I would’ve assumed you in the latter category.
Freakin’ hilarious, Jeff. I’ve just updated my blog post to include a link to this.
Incidentally, my own opinion of the CCM album (or the pop-rock one!) would go up immeasurably if it reflected enough awareness of CCM’s historical roots to include a cover of one of the songs from 2nd Chapter of Acts’s 1980 album The Roar of Love. I don’t have any particular song in mind, and indeed I have not listened to that album in years; but anything that indicated or acknowledged that people didn’t start writing songs about Narnia yesterday would earn some points with me.
Yes Jeffrey, utter crap indeed, utter cultural apartheid (a word from my own language. I own the Roar of Love album by Second Chapter, which is very nice in itself but for this occasion one album would have been great.
A missed opportunity
You said it all and gave me a much needed laugh. Thanks.
. . . for this occasion one album would have been great.
I wouldn’t be that restrictive myself. Quite a few films have had at least two different soundtrack albums — sometimes a second album is released after the first album turns out to be very popular, as was the case with Moulin Rouge! and Titanic, etc., but sometimes two albums are released from the get-go, with one devoted to the film’s score and another devoted to pop songs; the earliest example of this that I can think of would be Batman (1989), where there was one album of Danny Elfman music and one album of Prince songs; another example that falls somewhere between these two would be Magnolia (1999), where the original CD had mostly Aimee Mann songs and a subsequent CD had the Jon Brion score.
And it’s also not unknown for a film’s promoters to go a little nuts and put out three albums simultaneously. The earliest example of this that I can think of is Disney’s Dick Tracy (1990), which had a score album by Danny Elfman, a collection of pop songs, and a Madonna album (called I’m Breathless, after the character she played, “Breathless Mahoney”). That film’s executive producer, Jeffrey Katzenberg, repeated this trick when he jumped ship to DreamWorks and produced The Prince of Egypt (1998), which had a soundtrack album proper, a collection of country songs, and a collection of “inspirational” songs — and Christian artists, instead of being segregated or ghettoized on their own private album, were represented on all three of them.
So, if Narnia turns out to be the “big movie” we all hope it will be, I think a score album and a pop-song album or two just might be appropriate. The problem, as Jeff points out, is that Christian artists are going to be ghettoized this time — hence the apparent need for a fourth album, which AFAIK is a record of some sort. (Um, no pun intended.)
Amazingly, this is worse than the three “Passion of the Christ” soundtracks.
I can understand having a score album and a pop album — that only seems fair. But I have no tolerance for “songs inspired by (movie)” collections… unless they’re honest and are called “Songs Inspired By the Possibility of Reaping Some of the Cash That (Movie) Might Generate.”
Ya wanna talk Jesus music trivia, there were three different bands called Aslan in the ’70s, plus another one called Narnia. And then there was Bob Ayala’s Wood between the Worlds LP. And scattered songs here and there, of course … David Edwards’ “When He Comes,” Terry Taylor’s “Wood Between the Worlds,” etc. An interesting CCM album could probably have been done without writing any new songs at all, just digging for old ones. But there wouldn’t be any money in it.
Of course, none of the Jesus music or pop/rock stuff inspired by Tolkien found its way into the LOTR films … All Saved Freak Band’s For Christians, Elves and Lovers, Brooks Williams’ “All That Is Gold,” et al. (Poor Al!) Or even anything from Donald Swann’s Tolkien song cycle! Boo hoo.
Anyway, a cynical way of looking at CCM these days is that it’s just a marketing concept — a label slapped on certain records to attract a certain market segment. Of course that’s a reductionist, simplistic point of view, but in the case at hand it explains a lot.
Clive Staples might be ill, but Clive Davis would love it!
I don’t know the history of CCM all that well, but I’d love to know what it was before it was whatever ugly behemoth it was now. any suggestions on books on the subject? and recordings other than the big names? (ie larry norman keith green etc)
Joel, spend some time at http://one-way.org/jesusmovement/
Of course, none of the Jesus music or pop/rock stuff inspired by Tolkien found its way into the LOTR films …
Yeah, when I watched the extended trilogy last weekend, my thoughts went to Led Zeppelin the minute Gandalf said something about the “Misty Mountains”. 🙂
That is so sad. But I’d much rather see merchandising for a Narnia book than for lewd stuff like “Being There” (kosinski- don’t read).
Nice alternatives, except for #1
That. Was. Hilarious. Seriously, they all made me laugh.
Lewis would probably be sick if he saw the commercialization that will inevitably come with these movies.
I think even before 2nd Chapter’s “Roar of Love”, there was a recording about Narnia by Steve Hackett (?), with lead vocals by Steve Walsh of Kansas.
And then there was Bob Ayala’s Wood between the Worlds LP.
If you’ve listened to the album, I think it’s pretty hard to see the title or the album as any kind of Narnia tie-in. The intended reference is pretty clearly to the wood of the cross, the wood between the redeemed and the unredeemed worlds. I may be suffering a memory failure, but I don’t recall any of the songs having anything to do with Lewis/Narnia themes.
Yeah but how many directors have already been attached to I Am Legend. I think it’s a Hollywood rite of passage by now.
What about those of us who weren’t dissapointed in the Prequels? And for whom the trailers for Serenity have seemed lackluster. Which part is supposed to get me excited? “I aim to misbehave”? Or the part with the cantina rip-off? Or the part with the kung fu girl and techno music? Very original.
I don’t mean to hate, but I’m getting a little tired of Whedon’s “Brownshirts” telling the rest of us what we are supposed to want in our fantasy.
anders wrote: What about those of us who weren’t dissapointed in the Prequels?
Gosh, I have no response to that.
Re: I Am Legend — Why bother with this when we just had 28 Days Later, which was basically Matheson’s story with a 21st century face-lift?
Can someone define for me what Bono means when he says “Preventable poverty.”
Mark: I’m not totally sure, but I think this has to do with Bono giving me a small portion of his millions.
Who knows what that song is that they play when the kids are playing hide and seek.
It sounds like it’s playing out of a phonograph. It sounds like a girl group from the 40s. But it could just be credited to one singer. It’s the only song from the time, or close to it. I don’t think it’s included in any of the 300 versions of the soundtrack they’re releasing but I would really like to have it.